Well, it's not going to kill you

Not that I should tell you but ...

the newest batch of books is up at Library Thing.  Go For It

NIght and Day

The day part  was somewhat 

disquieting, disruptive, distressing, perturbing, troublesome, troublous, unsettling, upsetting, worrisome as I had an appt with Doctor Sanity. (note that shot looks EXACTLY like what you see when you walk out our front door and lean back you head in the day time.  I just  couldn't resist as our Oak tree is over 200 years old and breathtakingly beautiful don't you think?) She wants to see me twice next week.  You and I may delve further into why but not at this time because I'm just not up to it.   I did turn over my sword so she can stand in front of me in my pink footie jammies and do the protecting for a while.  It's incredibly hard work to try and find your footing and guard yourself at the same time.  I explained that I needed her to hold it for 2 reasons.  The first to protect me, mostly from myself, the second so it can grow back into a lance (a la Man of La Mancha) because I do so love to tilt at windmills.

 The night part  is just plain pathetic.  I can't breathe through my nose or taste anything and feel as if I've been hit by a bus.  ( thank you my beloved.)  

Thus you have the making of a magical Friday evening!

The nice thing is I don't HAVE to leave the house again until next Wednesday when I see Doctor Sanity and it's going to be so FRICKING hot I can sleep to my heart's content if I can figure out how to breathe!

Messing around again

The purples seemed to harsh so I decided to try out this color palette.  Any comments?

OMG - I just heard this from Wolf Blitzer - they're rockin' and rollin' in (where ever the hell  - my words) the Republican convention is being held.  ALSO they used photos of 9/11!  I didn't watch McCain but how could he stoop so low?

THis is one of those excuse me while I run screaming from the room moments!

Lindsey Graham is now going on about how successful the "war" has been.  I CANNOT CRASP IT!!!  THESE PEOPLE LIVE IN SOME FRICKING FANTASY LAND AND THE FILLER STATE PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM!

There seems to be a reocurring theme here.

Which is sleep.  I had a conference call scheduled at 11:00 but had forgotten that pge had a planned outage day and didn't print off what I needed for the call last night .  So I slept.  I made it up by noon so I could go to a meeting in SR at 1:30.  Then looked for some new pots for the water garden.  Very short look because it was ridiculously hot.  Came home about 4.  Turned on the air conditioner in the bedroom so I could cool down and read.  Woke up at 9:15!

lala bye and goodnight ummmummm

Another 3 months gone

I saw Amy today for my 3 month breast exam and a check on how the meds are doing.

Breast is fine, lymphodema scar getting much better but still tender.  Drugs working like they should.  In an interesting bit of fate Amy has a nurse practitioner student shadowing her.  The student turns out to be Lea's daughter.  So my breast, my mind, my breakdown, my relationship with my former therapist, my relationship with my new therapist AND my ruptured bowel got discussed.  A full service visit if you will.

I also finally decided to send out an email to the FWF group that I am in no way capable of hosting FWF for a while.  We'd be thrilled to come if they want to schedule around us or will just pick up when I can be social again.  I do take Doctor Sanity's words' to heart.

Am I in Fantasy Land?

I'm listening to the Repubs.  I'd swear that I'm at a down home Texas bbq straight from fanstasy land.

To listen to Fred Thompson and Joe Lieberman you'd think that John McCain and the Republicans have single handidly saved the US over the last 8 years.  Nothing about bad war plans, government expense run amock, an illegal war, lies, selling the country to China to finance the bad war.  Nope, nothing about that.  It's apparently all the Dem's fault.

And Sarah Palin is just the person to run the country should something happen to McCain.  

Rather than pick bits and pieces I'll just link the article I've been reading about Sarah Palin

I find it very disconcerting.  It's from Alternent.com  It says pretty much what I'm thinking.  Which is WTF are they thinking????

What was he thinking???

I ask you?  Does he and/or his advisors think that all of us will abandon our long held, long fought for beliefs and go rushing to the Pubs because they have a woman on the ticket.  A woman by the way that believes little or none of what we believe?

All I can say is they have now entered prime time Bush Land.  It's a little scary that they are heading the direction, but at least they can tick:

gun owners

pro-choice

Off shore Drilling

and a few more of the list.

Safe and secure

I have to tell you what an incredible form of communication email is.  Instant brain dump.  I'm still trying to decide where the line of communication should be drawn but I'm not missing out on a way to talk to the people who provide safety and wisdom.

I saw Dr. Sanity yesterday and of course I cried.  We talked about what was going on and during the course of our conversation I realized that I cry with her because I feel safe  and serene with her.  I've had to put up all kinds of walls to keep myself my functioning since I haven't been seeing any therapist or or Nancy for months.  I've been standing in the back of the closet, hiding behind the clothes in my footed pink with white stars jammies fending off the world with my fake wooden sword - GO AWAY 

Dumb, Dumb me.

All of a sudden I have a place where I literally feel protected and defended.  The kind of 'don't fuck with my patient" protected and defended.  I check in with Dr. Sanity almost everyday.  I have  her cell phone and office phone, also Amy's.  I can probably get with either of them at the touch of a button if necessary.  It's a very comforting feeling.

I'm thinking it's time to surrender my sword , my  footed pink with white stars jammies (can't find a photo) and say please take care of my until I can do it myself.   

Hope that works because I longer have the resources.  I'm handing it over to Dr. Sanity and Amy until I can gather myself about me.  My arms are tired, by brain is tired, my sense of self is exhausted.

I may be leaving for a while, just to fricking tired.  But I love you all (extra cudos to Eliza) and will be back.  I just need a rest.

xx,

Cath

A late Max update

He visited the Soggy Doggy today (yes Stacey it's time for a website).  The vet's direction had been that his foot and tail needed to stay dry.  Um,, that didn't happen exactly as planned ...  But I'm sure we'll hear about it from Dr. Marty tomorrow.  

However Max LOOKS STUNNING!  All the loose and grungy hair that had been hanging off him all summer is gone.  He doesn't smell like a dog.  He's prancing around with his "I am so seriously beautiful I do not know how you can hardly bear to lay your eyes upon me" look.

It's so great to see him perked up and attentive, it's been such a long time.  Early this evening I went out to check on the watering, he was prancing along side me with his , " I do not know how you POSSIBLY managed to do this with out me"

It's the strangest thing, it's as if he can hear better as well.  Virtually no move we make goes unnoticed.

LOVE THAT DOG!